Are your communication skills lacking?

I have worked with a lot of families and I know that communicating isn't always easy, and if you're angry, forget about it, communication skills often go out the window.  We know that words are powerful, and I know that when someone is angry or irritated they may not practice the best communication skills, so here are a few things to review:

1. Use “I” statements: “I feel________ when you _________” is a non- blaming statement. It may help you communicate your feelings and hopefully the person you are speaking to sees that his/her behavior does affect you.

For example: “I feel upset when I hear loud drumming when I am trying to sleep;” or “I get very concerned for your safety when I am expecting you home, and you don’t arrive until much later.”

1.  Don’t interrupt someone else when they are speaking….let them finish their statement. You can also ask your partner to not interrupt you when you are speaking.
2. Avoid words like “never” or “always”. Those types of words are what we call, Universal Qualifiers and when someone says them it sounds absolute, like it truly never happens or it truly always does happen. For example, “You never do anything romantic with me” is probably going to trigger your partner to defend themselves (thus fueling the disagreement). Try to give examples of when they did the behavior that you don’t like (or that is hurtful) rather than using words like Never or Always (since that may not be technically true).
3. If you are seeing the conversation getting heated, take a time out and suggest to your partner that you will revisit the conversation later that day or even the next day (when you are both calm and can focus on the underlying issue that triggered the disagreement/argument).